A SHARK!

talk about a WTF situation... this would freak me out soo bad.

for the record he wasnt hurt...

"He Aint You"

“He Aint You”

He comes off so clean, Never knowing what he might mean
So ethical and caring But you don’t see what he aint sharing
Don’t listen to his voice What his actions to make you choice
Is he really as he claims Or is that just a reflection of his dreams

The man I knew was one Kind hearted and his words were true
Always on and never done And I know that man and he aint you

Lieing through the night Attempting to keep up his devilish plight
He’s got every excuse in store Greed for himself and nothing more
But he have you believe That he was one who wouldn’t deceive
And he be there for you Then again that’s what a liar will do

The man I knew was one Kind hearted and his words were true
Always on and never done And I know that man and he aint you

Plotting his life, from lie to lie Fooling his wife to get another buy
Using paranoia and disguises To whore ya through suprises
I tried to warn ya that she was the end I wont mourn since you weren’t a friend
Just a wolf in sheeps clothing Lead astray by your own self loathing

I wrote this poem about a person i used to call a friend, someone i trusted, who we will refer to as Jacob in order to protect the innocent. Like i said he was my friend but last year on July 4th i started to wonder if my trust in this person was validated, or should i say if he was worthy. My worries started when he beat up his live-in girlfriend at outside of his work. I got involved in the situation but had no knowledge of the abuse til after the fact, prior to the abuse though he had been drinking drastic amounts of tequila at house party one of our mutual Friends had thrown during the day, a party in which he would be asked to leave due to his belligerence.

He apologized up and down to and fro to anyone who was even the slightest bit involved with the circumstances surrounding that night. Many of which forgave him, it took me a little longer than most due to my disdain for violence against woman and the fact he told me he was gonna kill me during the altercation. But eventually i forgave him and we moved on as a group. Now his line of incidents didnt stop there, it started there. Since then there has been accusations of snitching, peeping, videotapes, taco bell trips, lieing to the government, child neglect, pedophilia statements, stealing, cheating and most common just straight lieing to his friends and family. His drug use isnt as rampant as it was when i first met him, but it is more hidden and filled with deceit. He has tried to verbally fight every single one of the people he has called a Friend over the past year, and has tried to fight every singe of those same people at least once in the past year. I for one am through with him, i no longer consider him a Friend and Jacob hasnt tried to contact me since i told him that same statement "im through with you (him)"

But what rattles my mind is this, the man i knew, the man i met, the man who was my friend... is not the same drug addicted, self loathing, deceitful individual who stands in Jacob's shoes today. Therefore the meaning behind "He Aint You"

I miss "The Wire"

I have come to the conclusion that my viewing habits are no more than that of what i find intresting. A strange conclusion i know, but as redundant as it sounds and as obvious as it should be i dont regret stating the obvious. I like television to explode my over bearing thoughts in my head and replace them with objects and storys of intrest in order to truly relax my thoughts. Television should be able to captivate me, but i have found that extremely difficult since "The Wire" has gone off the air. I have attempted to appease my viewing soul with Law and Order reruns, my usual sports fix and Dexter on showtime, but to no avail. I still yearn for something that can make me wonder what will happen week to week, show to show.

Joklingly i identified with McNulty, an officer torn between his ego, demons and validation. Kind of a psychotic brother in law to the Baltimore soceity, you either love him or hate him, no inbetween. His demons crawled in the shadows throughout the seasons yet his good nature seemed to keep his head on his shoulders. He was usually the smartest person in the room whether he could validate it or not, but the need to be validated in his beliefs tore Jimmy McNulty apart as i find myself in those shoes frequently. In everything i do i intend to do well, but as a wise man once said "the path to hell is paved with good intentions." I hold pride in the fact that im usually the smartest person around, yet also im usually the least intelligent person around. Facts that celebrate my life in comparison to Jimmy McNulty as well as parralel them.

So until i find another alternative view for my mind to collaborate with im stuck with fiery dreams of police adventures and criminal mischeif to appease the demons lurking in my shadows. It's only a few hours a week the release of television is needed and applied to my soul directly, so this space may be able to be filled by Generation Kill (the creator of the wire's newest creation) or possibly some new optical adventure.

Until then im out like Stringer.

First new blog

Nikki, Johnna and Me on our wedding day