A Poem From My Past

"My Name is Paul”

Clouded memories of clearer day, When everything went my way.

I look back and still recall. The day that I got it all.

I wanted everything all my life. But I found it in my wife.

She's the reason Im here today. Telling all of you I lost my way.

My name is Paul and I cant stop. Im tired of looking for another drop.

Alcohol has been my choice, and all my will powers in my voice.

I lost it all but it's not too late. To hold the devil up at the gate.

Cause there are those who believe in me. I just wish this disease would set me free.
Six years ago I wrecked my truck. Walked away so I didn't give a fuck.

A drunken haze I went to jail. But noone would pay my bail.

Cause earlier id struck my wife. Something I said I wouldn't do with my life.

Then I just wished that I could die. But grabbed a bottle and started to cry.

My name is paul and I cant stop. I don't want another drop.
Alcohol has been my choice, and my will power is in my voice.

Three years ago I fell asleep, at the wheel of my jeep.

This is my second dui. Gun to my head I wanted to die.

Ashamed when my baby asked me why. I jut sat it down and started to cry.

I didn't learn my lesson then. But I still can remember when.

I was fluent in English and math. And I didn't go days before taking a bath.

.
My name is paul and I cant stop. My name is paul and I cant stop.

Alcohol has been my choice, and my will powers in my voice

Oh lord please remember me. Remember all the things I used to be.

A husband, father and a friend. But that was before the cloudy end.

I lost it all but I cant cry. Cause today I watched him die.

You see my father was a lot like me. And until today I just couldn't see.

How much my life resembled his. I hope he hears this and knows what it is.
It's an apology cause I didnt see, that his life has happened to me.

My name is paul and I cant stop. I don't want another drop.
Alcohol has been my choice and my will power is in my voice.

One month ago she left me. Took my kids to Kentucky.

A thousand miles between me and them. But I still remember when.

I used to tuck them in every night. Now it's for them that I fight.

I will win this was after all. I wont be addicted to alcohol.

To hold my babys just one more day. Will be enough reason to keep booze away.

I cant believe how far I fell. Right outta heaven straight to hell.

My name is paul and I want my life. My name is paul and I miss my wife.
My name is paul and I cant stop. My name is paul.

June 2007

I wrote this poem last year, for no real reason, but looking back upon it i realize why i wrote it. I wrote it to warn myself of the horrors i could cause if i kept drinking. Paul is a fictional character as i dont know anyone who exactly fits the description of the events that happen to Paul. But i do say that Paul is a combination of my father, a freind and Bruce Willis's character in the Die Hard trilogy. Now it's been a year and i hardly ever drink at anymore. I really dont recall the last time i got drunk. I dont know why but im proud of that, i know it's like a father being a proud that he doesnt beat his kids... but i am proud. No matter how ridiculous it sounds.